


oh, when did you fall out of love?

by thank_raziel



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, Episode: s03e18 The Beast Within, Ficlet, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Break Up, One Shot, POV Magnus Bane, Spoilers, breaking up, hahaha didn't need a heart anyways, misuse of italics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24461356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thank_raziel/pseuds/thank_raziel
Summary: Magnus had heard that when you knew you were going to die, your entire life flashed before your eyes one last time.“No, Magnus, I meant a break from us.”It seemed fitting that the last few months were flashing before his eyes now.The breakup in 3x18, from Magnus's POV.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 11
Kudos: 62





	oh, when did you fall out of love?

**Author's Note:**

> hey, I'm back! sorry for the super long wait, quarantine seems to be draining all my motivation. after watching 3x18 I wrote this in like an hour while still crying my eyes out bUT IT WAS LIKE MY FIRST BURST OF INSPIRATION IN A WEEK! (if you're wondering, yes, I'm not actually finished sh yet. I'm restraining myself to 2 episodes a week so I don't blow through the final season in a day. although it's really tempting.)
> 
> as always, please point out any mistakes I may have missed while editing! enjoy the show!
> 
> title is from Out of Love by Alessia Cara.

Magnus had heard that when you knew you were going to die, your entire life flashed before your eyes one last time. 

“No, Magnus, I meant a break from us.” 

It seemed fitting that the last few months were flashing before his eyes now. 

_“Well done.”_

_“More like medium rare.”_

He turned away, refusing this was real. It was just a sick joke. He would wake up in the morning with Alec’s leg flung over his body, arms wrapped around muscular arms and his quiet snores echoing in the room. 

If only the universe was so kind. 

“Is this about last night? Because I’m going to quit drinking. I swear.” 

“This isn’t about your drinking. It’s about what you said.” 

_“You’ve unlocked something in me.”_

_“I don’t know why, but I trust you.”_

Magnus almost scoffed, turning to meet familiar brown eyes. Once upon a time, he was happy to spend hours getting lost in the chocolate depths, but now, it was like there was a wall blocking him out. “I was being _dramatic,_ Alexander.” 

“You were being honest. I know the difference.” 

“Fine. I’m in pain.” the warlock’s voice quivered. “But, this, breaking up? What is this going to fix?” 

“There’s no fixing this. You said it yourself. There’s nothing I can do to make it better.” he said bluntly. 

“It’s not your job to make it better.” This wasn’t the Alec he knew. His Alec would blow up the very ground to make things right. 

_“They’re more like symptoms.”_

_“I can’t breathe.”_

“Well, what else am I supposed to do?” Alec demanded, pacing the floor of the quaint shop. “Just stand by and watch you _suffer_ for the rest of our lives?” Not my life. _Our lives._ Alec was planning on spending the rest of their lives together. 

“Why? Alexander, why are you doing this?” Tears were burning in the back of his eyes. “A few days ago, you said that you couldn’t live without me.” _What changed? Because I can’t live without you_ _either._

“A few days ago, I didn’t know that the spark inside of you, the one I fell in love with, was out for good.” Each word hit him in the gut with a physical pain he could barely stand. It took all his strength to grasp Alec’s wrist as he headed to the door. 

_“I’m fine.”_

_“No, you’re not.”_

“No. No, no. Please.” Magnus stared up at the Shadowhunter, wanting to get a scowl, a smile, _anything._ “I’ve lost everything. My job, my home, my powers. I can’t lose you too.” _I can’t lose early mornings where you get up_ _before me_ _to make pancakes even though it’s your day off. I can’t lose dates_ _filled with laughter and telling stories while we stuff ourselves with_ _exotic foods_ _. I can’t lose_ _passionate nights in the loft_ _losing myself in you_ _._

He cupped Alec’s cheeks with trembling hands, the action heart-breakingly familiar. They were so close he could feel the other’s harsh exhales on his lips. Closing the distance, their lips crashed against each other, Magnus put everything he had in the kiss. _Please._ He swiped his tongue across Alec’s plush lips, a trick that would have always get the other man to let a small noise escape his throat. Now there was nothing. 

_“There is nothing ugly about you.”_

_“When things get crazy, don’t push me away.”_

Magnus pulled back, letting his forehead rest against Alec’s. “Stay with me, okay?” The warlock dove forwards again, wanting Alec to push him away, to pull him closer, _to kiss him back._

“Come on. Stay with me.” He didn’t bother hiding the tears that trickled down his cheeks, wetting their interjoined lips. Magnus’s next word was barely more than a huff of air. “Please.” 

“Magnus...” he jerked up, wanting to see those glimmering eyes one last time. “I can’t.” Magnus’s hand dropped of its own accord, thoughts running through his head. _Don’t let him go. It’s_ _not worth the effort. He’s already gone. This can’t be real. Camille was right_ _after all_ _._

When he finally looked up, Alec was heading towards the door, each step resounding in the quiet of the room. 

_“Not knowing_ _if you were alive_ _or dead_ _, I was_ _terrified._ _Magnus, I_ _love you.”_

“Was any of it real? Was it all just a lie to you?” his voice cracked, desperation taking over. Magnus’s heart felt like it was being stabbed, over and over again with a flaming sword. 

“I’m sorry.” Alec’s last words lingered in the air after he left, and the warlock’s legs gave out now that there was nothing to hold him up. He remembered picking out the rug he was laying on just a few hours ago, when everything wasn’t fine, but at least it was better than this. 

_I love you too._

**Author's Note:**

> it's kind of short, I know, but I'm hoping to finish some of the wips sitting in my docs next week! yeah, okay, that's what I said last time, but still
> 
> I live on comments and kudos, so if you would be so kind as to leave one it would make me unbelievably happy <3 concrit is excellent as well, I'm always looking to improve my writing.
> 
> hope you have a good day! until next time!


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